Progressive & Democratic Ed
http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/ – interesting but discussed this for far too long in the seminar.
Plus a never ending discussion about education and therapy – in which they were ironically indulging in a therapy session themselves last night.
Had to put aside Illich for another day – you should see the expression of this person who read the whole book.
Tired and bored of the locally contextualized discussions which have become very eurocentric, western and British.
The Late Finishers
Perhaps we have reached a point where the survival of the fittest have transcended the physical. In our race to become the fittest we have hit a glass wall, and through it we see nothingness in the distance. At the finish line, we wonder while we wait for the late finishers to arrive. We are now the fittest, there’s nothing more to do because of this glass wall which has stopped us, but there is something on the other side so the race must go on. We, amongst the finishers, suddenly make our own rules in our interpretation of a phenomena. A phenomena that is the abyss at the other side of the glass wall.
Upon the late finishers’ arrival, they get bombarded with the interpretation of the ones who were there first – the ‘winners’. Even before they get to see the abyss. Some of them will never even see the abyss at all. Lost – in both sense of the word – amidst all that have been said by the winners.
Some winners will tell them it has ceased being a race while they continue on … in their minds.
Suppose you and I realized this and we were amongst the late finishers. We then try very hard to muffle the conversation of the ‘winners’. Making our way through the crowd we stand in front of the glass wall. Suddenly we find ourselves staring into the abyss.
Tell me, what do you see? More importantly, will you tell the others?
A journal entry from 3010
23/02/3010
Time unknown
Full entry:
It wasn’t so long ago when I woke up next to you. Awake from a dream into another much sweeter. A kind of realization that maybe we could stop looking. Then we kissed. Our heads meet in a kind of congregation of two. Maybe we should stop wondering? Our noses rubbed, transcending talk, into a world of touch. This was it, I thought. Then our eyes met … I blink, you blink … like a kind of dance. I caught your heartbeat, then I sunk myself into its rhythm. I’m floating in a sea of you.
It’s exactly this I’m thinking now. Haphazardly holding on to it or grasping for its air. I have to think this now. I need to think this now. This morning I had woken up with a wonderful feeling but it wasn’t you. Awake into another dream, much sweeter.
DV.
Meaningful confusion
Last year, around this time, I was busy preparing a paper for a symposium. My focus last year was on political philosophy and religion, more specifically on the paradox of an Islamic democracy. I argued for a no compromise, a denial of a hybrid – if one were to strictly adhere to either grounding or at least if one were truly Islamic. There is no neutral position because one has to fit in the other framework. If you are to be democratic, then you will have to rationalize religion. If you are to be Islamic, then you will have to compromise the democratic concept. It is a classic Salafi versus rationalism debate which I had to condense in such a short time. It didn’t work well – the obvious criticisms were of course things were not as black/white as I present them to be.
However, I think they were missing the point though. Religion is exactly that – an arena of the uncompromising. If one could rationalize religion, then it would just like be a marketable product tailored for individuality (ironically this will mean the masses). If one could rationalize religion, then belief and faith is really man-made after all (although this deserves its own space for reflection on another day).
Religion is rigidity and it is good at being this. It has to be this and rationalism is the contamination of it. You should be a non-believer (I am one) than rationalize religion. It should be timeless and void of all historical, political, cultural contexts. It is not something which one could use. It is the realm of belief and faith especially for those detached from all worldly things. Otherwise, the religion you believe in is just a string and you’re a puppet.
Religion does not equal God though. God is something else …
This morning I received an e-mail and I will be presenting a paper again this year in March under the panel of Identity and Education. I have a slight worry because of my current fixation on Nietzsche. I already have a long obsession with meaning and an admiration of Foucault. Who knows what I might bring to the table – I might end up saying everything is meaningless, as I tend to do a lot these days in conversations and similarly in seminars.
I think I need to speak to an old friend of mine Mr. A, whose curiosity has always helped me refine my thoughts in an attempt to make him understand. Or Mr. C, whose words often reach into the depths of my thoughts which sometimes I don’t even know some things exist in – did he put them there?
Or Ms. Z, who can roll a fucking good one.
Cushions
This Institute I am currently enroled in has the facade of all that is righteous and truly good. When you walk in its open spaces, you can almost feel like you’re walking in someone’s cliche – the one that says ”meeting people from all walks of life”. I have met people with such cliches or rather they have met me. I think they need to do less meeting and more walking.
There is minimal security needed here, after all this is the place that is the epitome of all that is virtuous, moral and more more more. Right around the corner, in a square, is a statue of Ghandi. There’s always candles or flowers there. The square is undergoing some re landscaping work – who knows why? Maybe it has something to do with the way in which greatness has to be dressed up in gold. All the nakedness (with no gold) stand in the cold, in admiration of greatness.
The smell in the Institute is great, the aroma of progressive humanity … if hypothetical unicorns had hypothetical armpits, it would hypothetically smell like this. The colors are easy on your eyes, it seems they have made everything in a light tone … light blue, white, light brown. Sometimes, when I walk in, I feel like I am wrapped in cushion. It’s a very comfortable feeling. When I think about it though, who the hell wants to be wrapped in cushion?
Hey now … they are teaching Education here – but how do you teach Education? The answer is simple; just tell them that the past and present need fixing for the future. What kind of fixing? Well for for starters, things need to be liberal and moral – words which smell like unwashed laundry from last month. Then in the phantom equation, you throw in other concepts like children, freedom, values, equality. Occassionally you get to beat your chest and nod your heads in the dissent of racism, intolerance and all that is bad. All in the style of your modern day heroics – captured in the nearest space for a poster advert.
You do not need to worry here. Everything is great and golden.
It is now 17.45 and I am using one of the computers. On my way in, I got stopped by a student running for one of the Union positions. When asked about 24 hour library times, I questioned the resources and other issues concerning this. He responded by first saying he empathized with all my concerns and there’s more – he’s from the Green Party too – he is very concerned. He continued talking under his cigarette breath for the next 5 minutes.
Now I am in the library about to print hundreds of pages worth of reading. We are not allowed to use double sided printing, multi page printing or low quality printing here. It’s okay – aren’t we doing this in the name of Education and all those laundry words?
Yes … we are too great and we are dressed in gold. We are also wrapped in cushion.
Shadow of Dionysus
She is keeping still while slowly immersing herself in that moment in time. This is the first time she has ever seen him and it felt forthcoming yet unknown.
She looks at him in the minute isolation of time and space, a neither here nor there feeling. He was standing in a distance from her but this doesn’t matter – space has lost its sense of dimensions to her. She exists, he exists. He seems to her as if he was the only thing moving and this matters – time lost its reality and relevance to her. She is losing grasp of history, she is meaningless now. History has emptied itself of her. She shifts unconsciously as if she was an inanimate object, moved only by a force not of her own.
She suddenly feels a radiance of warmth alien to her. She doesn’t know what it is, but it is warm. It is as if feelings have become very basic now. Sparks of paradox emanate from the man. She feeds on them instinctively. With each spark a multitude of wonder flourishes like an endless chain of questions and answers. She wants to know … she wants know. She already knows. How she longs to collapse into herself. Or maybe onto him, where the eternity of herself can unravel. She is pulled by all her senses … all seemingly chained to him.
In that moment of intense inward reverberation her reasons undress themselves in a surge of longing and desire. Chaos echoes from the innermost depths of her existence … the source of her questions. The crashing and thrashing transcend all things beautiful. She is almost gone now, only crumpling into another form … curling inward … like a question mark.
ARGH.
In an instant, she can feel the blistering and burning sensation. Like an instantaneous piercing of the flesh. A rush of pain to the brain. She unfolds outward, once again occupying space and time. She uncoils … uncurls … expanding into the vastness but occupying very little at the same time. A slap to the face! An insult! A heartbreak! The cold feeling of the platinum on her finger. Her wedding ring.
It was beautiful music – followed by a violent scene. This violent scene is the most beautiful thing she will ever get to see.
Nietzschean infinity: thinking about misconception of means and ends
We blink to keep our eyes moist.
Blinking is a means for us to have eye sight.
We breathe to take in oxygen.
Breathing is a means for us to stay alive.
Here, to my understanding of it, is the basic and common concept of means and ends. When we begin to mistake means for ends, it becomes confused. What if blinking and breathing became ends and not merely as means to something else.
We blink to blink.
We breathe to breathe.
Now, it was as if someone was telling me “Don’t forget to breathe” and that thought became so materialized and conscious in my mind that it confuses me. I am conscious of breathing now which ruins the rhythm of my spontaneous breathing. Its original concept as a ‘means’ here becomes confused as ‘an end’.
The same with blinking and “Don’t forget to blink”. Now I am conscious of blinking and my natural tendency to blink is interrupted. The means has been confused as an end and the rhythm is lost.
These are basic ideas contextualized to bodily functions situated in a process (breathing -> taking in oxygen -> expelling carbon dioxide -> cell function -> other functions -> staying alive -> infinity). There are infinite numbers of means towards only one end and I note that ‘end’ here is infinite too. We don’t know what this ultimate ‘end’ is and no one will ever know – it could be a loop too. Which then alludes to, in an exaggerated sense, everything in existence are merely means. If this is true, then the example above of blinking and breathing should not have to see and to stay alive as ends. Rather it should always continue to the infinite sense. It should also have an infinite beginning.:
comes from infinity … We blink to have eye sight … we have eye sight to see … we see to … continues to the infinite
comes from infinity … We breathe to take in oxygen … we take in oxygen for cell function … our cell functions to … continues to the infinite
Now lets situate the misconception of means and ends into a wider scope – society. Remember the breathing and blinking rhythm? Lets locate and dissect ‘processes’ in society where there is a possibility of a misconception of means and ends.
comes from infinity … Doing good … continues to infinity
This ‘Doing good’, to my reflection, has been confused as ends in themselves. Values, virtues and morality has become suspended in a reality of their own that they become ends for humans to strive for. Suppose you substitute Doing good with any of the highest values, virtues or morals you can think of and confuse them as ends instead of means.
I am patient … (because) patience is a virtue.
I give my seat to the elderly … (because) that is the right thing to do.
I let the lady go in first … (because) “ladies first”.
The means here have become ends in themselves. They’ve been compartmentalized and given a reality of their own. Because of this the means have been rendered meaningless or rather limited in how it could be (more) meaningful. This can happen because of the conditions of society (humanity) expects us to do so or the endless regurgitation of the concept. It gives a unnatural and forced sense to the conduct: doing because we have to (and are expected to) do them. Now we just do them, not for the meaning of it, but because it is expected that we do them. An aspect of ‘wear and tear’ is reminiscent here too.
What about other big examples? What have become meaningless?
Equality? Liberty?
Education?
Marriage? Love?
Your job?
Perhaps it is partly the fault of our utterances which have eroded these things off their real value just to give them a separate reality. The more we say something, the more concrete it becomes and our beliefs are cemented. However, also, the more we say something, the more routine it becomes and its meaning lessens.
You can say “How are you?” every time you see others out of routine, but how meaningful do you intend this to be? Or do they even give a meaningful answer at all?
I can say “I love you” too many times until it has been ceased of any meaning.
You can be amazed by magic tricks, but the more you see them the less magic they seem.
This also works with the big examples how the dynamics that work within them.
It is the entrapment of society, beliefs, discourse and the internalization of concepts. Isn’t that a paradox, we want humanity in a certain shape and form – but the outcome is entirely meaningless. The ideal is merely a perfected form that is routine and lifeless.
Less is more and abundance is meaningless. Don’t confuse means as ends. Your whole existence is merely a means. Life then will slowly feel like it has more meaning.
A tribute to a poet I don’t know via a poet I barely know
Today I talked to someone I haven’t seen for a while. In London, you can feel intense isolation but an encounter can make you feel strangely at home. Mr. O had told me about the death of his mother and how the funeral has been delayed due to political circumstances unraveling in his home country. Because of this delay, he is caught in a mental limbo – he wants to move on with life but cannot do so without a proper ritual of farewell for his mother. My condolences go to him, but more than that is my gratitude for the realization that death is waiting for me, too.
A day before I met him, Ms. R mentioned in one of our seminars that Sartre said death is the only thing that is certain. Three days before this seminar (about a week ago from this post), I sat down with another friend, Mr. C, and our conversation took on the inevitable ‘what happens in the afterlife’? Inevitable because we have this kind of mutual understanding. Three months before this, Mr. C let me borrow his book about afterlife speculation – not that we have an exclusive interest on death – it’s all coincidental.
Today I am addressing my subconscious by reliving parts of this conversation I had with Mr.C.
I let my question circle gently across the table, “What’s in your mind when you think about what comes after death?”. I didn’t want clouds or meadows to follow as an answer so I pushed on like my question was rhetorical. I continued with the subtle grimness under the froth of humor and perhaps his pint, “I think about one big argument between me and my Maker. There is no one or nothing else there, just me and my Maker. One big argument.”
“Haha! Well wouldn’t we all like to ask questions. I have many questions I would like answered myself. Why this and that!”, he answered. Then he began delicately, “Someone I know has recently passed. I got to talk to him and have been able to communicate through his wife. Wonderful person.”
I roll the silence out … a kind of carpet for the conversation.
“Then I wrote an e-mail to his wife to read to him if she didn’t think it would offend him. I said a lot of things, but at end of it I told him to not think negatively and forget all that is bad. It is all the past now. I told him, if he could, then speculate … speculate wildly. Then if there is some way he could let me know from the other side, please send me some sort of signal”.
At that moment I immersed deeper into the silence I had paved down for his words. His words walked on them and gave life to my silence. This struck me as strange because were in fact talking about death. Before this, I never thought about the moment just before death … I just think about what comes after death.
Death is inevitable, that much I know. But what if I never get to experience the moment before death? What if I get hit by a bus later? My last moment would be the tarmac … a flash of red … a look of disbelief … some violent screams … and even I cannot experience that. My death would be impersonal even to myself or even worse just another event someone else wants to forget. Funny this, I have always imagined my death to be easy but meaningful – in an unexplainable way – like the passing of summer.
Death can be sudden, this I always forget. If I remember to drink each cup of tea everyday thinking that death waiting at the end of each empty cup – I wonder if life would be more meaningful … or meaningless? This is neither a defeatist mentality nor a go-go-go life hugging attitude I’m alluding to here. Rather it calls for a new state of mind. That of wild speculation.
From today and for as long as I can remember I will, like the poet on his death bed had been told to, speculate … and I will speculate wildly. Thank you, again, Mr. C.
Desire and reason
Kant’s categorical imperative holds that our reason dictates the foundational aspects of ethics. There is, in a basic sense, an underlying and universal reasoning beyond all distortion (culture, religion, society etc). I have never read Kant, and I will not lie about it as some pretentious person might act. But I wonder beneath all the helter skelter of Kant’s critiques (who have usually dumbed the argument down due to their even dumber examples of ethics) there is a feasible argument about the inhumanness of universalizing reason.
If someone desired sex with a stranger he can only be stopped by his reasoning. The reasoning could be a question of societal expectations, fear of STDs, avoidance of immorality etc. So then, should this reasoning apply to every thinking being? My basic understanding of Kant is that if this passes a universalization test (if you think this should apply for everybody else too) then it should apply. I think it does apply here, do we want a society full of sex maniacs or impulsive rapists? That may be extreme but then there is monogamy, adultery etc. stuff society likes to think about.
It fits the bill, the sex as an example I think it’s not dumbing down the example too much – it is something basic and foundational unlike other examples I have encountered so far: ‘gift giving’, ‘keeping promise’ or ‘having a cigarette’. Kant will not even turn in his grave for you.
If then I, the author of this post, want to have sex with a stranger. My innermost deepest desire is bodily contact with a passion so visceral that is has to happen with this stranger. If my reasoning says – fuck society, forget STD, fuck immorality – but fuck this person. The consequence of this is an intense and meaningful gratification not based on an impulse but an accumulation of careful desire (so much so it has to happen). This gratification is an act of humanness or survival, something embedded I think in a position of Kant’s categorical imperative or even higher – more human. Beyond Kant’s reasoning, I will fuck …
Am I then … immoral?
I shudder at the thought of Kant’s ethics (sometimes as an epitome of liberalism) [or a misreading of - perhaps mine] being reminiscent of religious tendencies.