Post Conscious

Perhaps we have reached a point where the survival of the fittest have transcended the physical. In our race to become the fittest we have hit a glass wall, and through it we see nothingness in the distance. At the finish line, we wonder while we wait for the late finishers to arrive. We are now the fittest, there’s nothing more to do because of this glass wall which has stopped us, but there is something on the other side so the race must go on. We, amongst the finishers, suddenly make our own rules in our interpretation of a phenomena. A phenomena that is the abyss at the other side of the glass wall.

Upon the late finishers’ arrival, they get bombarded with the interpretation of the ones who were there first – the ‘winners’. Even before they get to see the abyss. Some of them will never even see the abyss at all. Lost – in both sense of the word – amidst all that have been said by the winners.

Some winners will tell them it has ceased being a race while they continue on … in their minds.

Suppose you and I realized this and we were amongst the late finishers. We then try very hard to muffle the conversation of the ‘winners’. Making our way through the crowd we stand in front of the glass wall. Suddenly we find ourselves staring into the abyss.

Tell me, what do you see? More importantly, will you tell the others?

Continuing from my previous post about Cushions, I wrote a piece for a student-led newspaper at the Institute. Here goes:

I am sitting in front of a computer in one of the Institute’s computer labs. It doesn’t take forever to log in but it does take enough time to form thoughts about how things could be different and better. After some time I could almost see the vague allegory dancing in front of my eyes; working on these computers can give you a gist of how questionable some things actually are.

The bulk of the time that is needed to log in to the desktop involves the process of policy and services. It is a very slow one and it’s hard to tell what’s going on here since you can’t access the root of this problem – I wish things were more transparent.

Eventually I get in, after such a long wait, and I am greeted by important messages. One of which telling me that I need to start using my designated Institute e-mail address so that the Institute could have a proper medium on which to contact me officially. I have not been here long but it does suggest to me that in the past, perhaps there have been a lack of communication. It’s quite unfair to enforce this in my opinion, Outlook Web Access is behind the times and very rigid compared to most web mail systems. I wonder how many people are capable of setting up e-mail forwarding and the alternative of setting up a program for your e-mails of course does not give you the portability of web access.

Getting this out of the way I can at finally start using the computer. I am presented with an aesthetically pleasing workspace; the polished looks of the desktop which by the way would require more computer resources to run. I am amused by this because there is no functionality whatsoever in fancy looking desktops, in fact no matter how fast a computer is, it would end up running at a less optimal capacity when compared to one that is run without any unnecessary resource hogs. I wonder too at the choice of Internet Explorer over Firefox or Chrome – it is widely held that the former, IE (Internet Explorer!), have security issues and is less efficient than it’s latter counterparts.

On occasions I am caught off guard by some interruption of an automated function, asking me if I need to create an Ink Layer amongst other ‘useful tools’ this computer is telling me it has. It was as if this computer thinks it knows better than me, acting like a guide to try and dictate my actions in some way. This is alright and can be ignored but it does beg the question who wanted them there in the first place. The most you ever see people do is work on a word processor. Of course you don’t get to see a lot though, because there aren’t enough computers.

I am almost done and there is one thing left to do – I have to print. This is perhaps the worst part (if you are already used to the slow log in) but is one I optimistically look forward to. This is the time where I take the opportunity to validate my frustrations by immersing myself in the grunts of the bewildered masses who congregate at the printers. Amidst all the sophisticated helter skelter, you arrive at an almost primitive conclusion to your IT experience. Papers get lost here, probably taken by someone else who is equally confused by the disorganized printing process. Even if you get it right, there is still a nagging feeling that you have to check every page of the one hundred you printed because you are never really assured. After which I am left to wonder why they had not let me do multi-page printing or printing on both sides to save paper, ink, time, trees and everyone’s conscience.

Upon leaving, I get a rush of feeling mostly that I’m glad the ordeal is over. I begin to wonder why, like the computers, resources are mismanaged here. I asked a technician about this, he couldn’t give me an answer and instead gave me a piece of paper where I can write my suggestions down (more paper). Who’s in-tray will this arrive at? What kind of answer will I get? I am apprehensive at this kind of correspondence, the bureaucratic and template response type. I exit the library past the barriers, into the aesthetically pleasing open space of the Institute and suddenly forget all that I had thought about.

We blink to keep our eyes moist.

Blinking  is a means for us to have eye sight.

We breathe to take in oxygen.

Breathing is a means for us to stay alive.

Here, to my understanding of it, is the basic and common concept of means and ends. When we begin to mistake means for ends, it becomes confused. What if blinking and breathing became ends and not merely as means to something else.

We blink to blink.

We breathe to breathe.

Now, it was as if someone was telling me “Don’t forget to breathe” and that thought became so materialized and conscious in my mind that it confuses me. I am conscious of breathing now which ruins the rhythm of my spontaneous breathing. Its original concept as a ‘means’ here becomes confused as ‘an end’.

The same with blinking and “Don’t forget to blink”. Now I am conscious of blinking and my natural tendency to blink is interrupted. The means has been confused as an end and the rhythm is lost.

These are basic ideas contextualized to bodily functions situated in a process (breathing -> taking in oxygen -> expelling carbon dioxide -> cell function -> other functions -> staying alive -> infinity). There are infinite numbers of means towards only one end and I note that ‘end’ here is infinite too. We don’t know what this ultimate ‘end’ is and no one will ever know – it could be a loop too. Which then alludes to, in an exaggerated sense, everything in existence are merely means. If this is true, then the example above of blinking and breathing should not have to see and to stay alive as ends. Rather it should always continue to the infinite sense. It should also have an infinite beginning.:

comes from infinity … We blink to have eye sight … we have eye sight to see … we see to … continues to the infinite

comes from infinity … We breathe to take in oxygen … we take in oxygen for cell function … our cell functions to … continues to the infinite

Now lets situate the misconception of means and ends into a wider scope – society. Remember the breathing and blinking rhythm? Lets locate and dissect ‘processes’ in society where there is a possibility of a misconception of means and ends.

comes from infinity … Doing good … continues to infinity

This ‘Doing good’, to my reflection, has been confused as ends in themselves. Values, virtues and morality has become suspended in a reality of their own that they become ends for humans to strive for. Suppose you substitute Doing good with any of the highest values, virtues or morals you can think of and confuse them as ends instead of means.

I am patient … (because) patience is a virtue.

I give my seat to the elderly … (because) that is the right thing to do.

I let the lady go in first … (because) “ladies first”.

The means here have become ends in themselves. They’ve been compartmentalized and given a reality of their own. Because of this the means have been rendered meaningless or rather limited in how it could be (more) meaningful. This can happen because of the conditions of society (humanity) expects us to do so or the endless regurgitation of the concept. It gives a unnatural and forced sense to the conduct: doing because we have to (and are expected to) do them. Now we just do them, not for the meaning of it, but because it is expected that we do them. An aspect of ‘wear and tear’ is reminiscent here too.

What about other big examples? What have become meaningless?

Equality? Liberty?
Education?
Marriage? Love?
Your job?

Perhaps it is partly the fault of our utterances which have eroded these things off their real value just to give them a separate reality. The more we say something, the more concrete it becomes and our beliefs are cemented. However, also, the more we say something, the more routine it becomes and its meaning lessens.

You can say “How are you?” every time you see others out of routine, but how meaningful do you intend this to be? Or do they even give a meaningful answer at all?

I can say “I love you” too many times until it has been ceased of any meaning.

You can be amazed by magic tricks, but the more you see them the less magic they seem.

This also works with the big examples how the dynamics that work within them.

It is the entrapment of society, beliefs, discourse and the internalization of concepts. Isn’t that a paradox, we want humanity in a certain shape and form – but the outcome is entirely meaningless. The ideal is merely a perfected form that is routine and lifeless.

Less is more and abundance is meaningless. Don’t confuse means as ends. Your whole existence is merely a means. Life then will slowly feel like it has more meaning.